The five-second rule

Getting on and off the tram is easy. Little children and dogs do it all the time, along with kids carrying skateboards and (older) kids carrying beer cans. Even elderly couples hop on and hop off (yet somewhat more slowly than the kids). However, there is one important rule that we all must obey: the five-second rule. This is how it works. When you get on the tram, you have approximately five seconds to either sit down, or to brace yourself somehow, or to find something that you will be able to grab onto -- preferably a pole or back of a seat and not another passenger. You see, in five seconds, unless delayed by a tourist who has climbed aboard and started to ask questions, the tram driver puts the tram in gear (or something like that) and starts moving again. You would think that a tram, being a large and heavy vehicle on tram tracks, would nudge forward gently as it slowly picks up speed. Even though it is not the same as a drag car burning rubber at the green light, a tram jerks forward as if it were in a race. A race to the next tram stop.

When the tram starts forward, if you are not in your seat, or not holding onto something, or not able to find something very quickly to hold onto, you are abruptly jostled. I have never seen anyone thrown to the ground, fortunately. But riders who forget the five-second rule suddenly pantomime drunken sailors on a storm-tossed ship.

But don't worry if you forget the five-second rule. If you are thrown about and grab at things and narrowly avoid plopping into someone's lap, there is no need to be embarrassed. Remember, this is Finland, after all, and Finns respect your privacy; no one even looks at you as you try to regain your dignity (well, they may look but they will pretend not to). Yes, you nonchalantly clutch the nearest pole and act as if was no big deal to nearly fall down in front of strangers. You'll have your sea legs soon.