Getting the most out of your chocolate-factory tour

I recently went on a Fazer chocolate-factory tour and learned quite a few things I need to pass on to you before your own tour.

The mysterious young man shown in your last orientation film who appears from nowhere with a pass to visit the Fazer factory and then gets a job there is really the 19-century founder of Fazer chocolates, Karl Fazer, who materializes in the present to check on his legacy. Or is he? You may be confused. But don't spend time thinking about it and perhaps even discussing it with other tour goers as did I. Get over it because you have more important tour stops coming up.

Fazer makes more stuff besides chocolate, especially bread. But you did not come to tour a bread factory (which is made elsewhere, anyway), so gloss over the bread display and move on to the important next stop.

All the chocolate you can eat, candy and bar form, of many different varieties.  Yes, your childhood dream has come true. But there are three rules: You can eat only one piece at a time, you can't take any with you to eat later, and you can't have a drink while eating. And security cameras are pointed at you to make sure you obey. So plan your day carefully before the "tasting" session. Refrain from overeating before arriving (definitely no pre-tour chocolate), avoid eating the chocolates you are familiar with (you already know what those taste like!), and employ a chocolate buddy (someone to help you eat part of the larger bars so you can go onto the next type faster).

Don't be disappointed when you discover you can't actually walk among the conveyor belts and rotating drums of chocolates on your tour, as you probably will imagine beforehand. Hygienic reasons will be given. You are never offered white lab coats, hair nets, and booties. Anyway, would you want to eat chocolates made in a factory where people like you tramp through all day long?

For fun, try to silently guess the jobs of the employees who walk past your tour. Somebody has to taste the chocolate. Imagine yourself being employed as a chocolate taster. Then remember other foods you used to like before you ate too much of them. Shudder.

Grab a basket when you are allowed into the Fazer store to buy chocolate at greatly reduced and thus tempting prices. You will not be able to carry in your hands all you pick up. You can buy Fazer plastic bags (.15) at the check-out counter, but a sturdy canvas bag may be something you want to bring if you have a lot of schlepping around to do on your way back via bus, tram, and metro. Especially if you don't want to do free advertising for Fazer.

The chocolate and cookies you get in the courtesy bag upon leaving the factory will serve you well for your own needs (i.e., when you feel hungry again on the way home). But if you don't like rye bread at all (like me), you have just been given a life-time supply of rye bread (four sandwiches' worth). Find someone who loves rye bread (any Finn friend) and re-gift without shame. The shame would be wasting a great Fazer product.